Grief is universal. Unfortunately, every person will experience it at some point in their lives. Losing a loved one or saying goodbye to a beloved pet is exquisitely painful. It changes our world forever and throws things upside down.
You’ve likely heard of the “five stages of grief,” but you might not know which one you’re currently experiencing, how long it will last, and much more. While everyone handles bereavement trauma and grieving in their own way, it’s commonly accepted that there are at least five general stages of grief that people will experience.
Personally, I believe that we go through more than five stages, and I like to think that there are seven stages of grief and bereavement. It’s completely natural to feel like you are not grieving normally or that you’re stuck in one stage too long.
Here’s what you need to know about the grieving and bereavement stages.
Stage 1: Shock/disbelief
This stage happens in the immediate aftermath of learning of a loved one’s death and can last anything from a few days to a few weeks and even months. Shock or complete disbelief at their death is natural. Your body and mind protect themselves this way; it’s a defense mechanism to protect you from pain. In this stage, you’ll feel like you’re in a state of suspension, and this is often the reason why people are able to plan funerals and give speeches at such a vulnerable time.
Stage 2: Denial
The denial stage of grief kicks in when the shock starts to wear off. The denial is still a defense mechanism, but this is a more conscious decision than a physiological reaction. You deny your loved one is gone and push all of these thoughts away. This can take many forms, with some denying that their loved one has gone, while others simply deny that they are impacted by their death.
Stage 3: Pain and guilt
It’s completely normal to wonder whether you could have done something that would have prevented your loved one’s death. Guilt is a common feeling during the bereavement process. There’s survivor guilt, which is feeling guilty for being around when your loved one is dead, and there’s the guilt over feeling like you could have done more.
Stage 4: Anger and bargaining
The anger and bargaining stage of grief usually presents itself after all the formalities of the death are over. You feel angry that they were taken or that more wasn’t done to save them; you may even feel angry at your loved one for leaving you. You’ll bargain with the universe that you’ll do X just to bring your loved one back.
Stage 5: Depression
The funeral is finished, family and friends start to move on with their lives, and you’re left wondering how you are possibly going to move forward without your loved one. It’s normal to feel deep sadness or depression and even loneliness. This is the right time to seek out traumatic grief counseling for help and guidance through your pain.
Stage 6: The upward turn and reconstruction
At this stage, you’ll still be up and down the grieving ladder and feeling all kinds of emotions at different times. But you’re starting to build your ‘new normal.’ The hurt is raw and painful, but you know that this is the way it’s going to be from here on out. You might not have fully accepted the death, but you’re starting to recognize it.
Stage 7: Acceptance and hope
This is the final stage where you’ve managed to come to terms with the passing of your loved one. You’ve worked through the most painful grieving, and you fully accept that your loved one is gone. This is when you’ll start to find small glimpses of joy again. You’ll smile more when you think of your loved one, and you’ll start to reach out into the world again. You’ll realize that your reality is going to be different, and your future happiness is something that you’re going to have to build towards.
How long do the stages of grieving take?
They say that time heals all wounds, and I couldn’t disagree more. Time isn’t a healer, and there’s no timeline for grieving. You may experience these stages in a row, or you may experience them at different times. You may even experience them more than once. Grieving isn’t linear, and you’re likely to go back and forth for some time.
The stages of grief take as long as they need to, but they will be easier to manage and quicker to move on from with the help of a professional. Working through bereavement trauma, unpacking your hurts, and finding useful coping methods, tools, and techniques is the only way to regain control of your life.
The Naked Bereavement Program Can Facilitate Your Recovery
At Naked Bereavement, we specialize in the trauma caused by the loss of a loved one. Our program offers a safe space and sympathetic guides to help you through the process of grieving. Our compassionate team will work with you throughout your healing process and help you to embrace a fulfilling life beyond your loss.
Contact us to find out more.
