The Spark Marriage Programme is a core offering that is at the heart of our marriage rescue service for couples that need help to realign and reignite their marriage.<\/p>\n
As the owner of Naked Divorce, I\u2019ve been witness to the exact moment when a marriage becomes unsalvageable hundreds of times. What I did with the Spark Programme, was reverse engineer the divorce journey to do everything that we can to help save a marriage before it reaches the point of no return.<\/p>\n
In the program, we cover a whole range of topics that will teach you the secret of a successful marriage and I will give you the tools to ensure that you can apply it to your own. A few examples of the things we cover are the six human needs, triggers and how to avoid them, setting up an environment for a healthy marriage, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, setting boundaries, and constructive conflict resolution.<\/p>\n
One of the tools that I also incorporate is the Five Love Languages. Today, we\u2019re going to take a quick look at what these love languages are and how knowing yours and your partner\u2019s love language can help to save your marriage.<\/p>\n
The 5 Love Language originate from a book written 30 years ago by Gary Chapman, a relationship counsellor. The books has been updated throughout these years, but the core love languages remain unchanged.<\/p>\n
This is when you need to hear love expressed from your partner verbally. It includes being romantic and saying things like \u201cI love you,\u201d as well as more practical affirmation, such as \u201cI appreciate you doing the dishes today, or \u201cI\u2019m proud of how well you\u2019re doing at your job.\u201d<\/p>\n
When you feel loved by a partner that helps you out or does things for you. This could be anything from doing the laundry on a busy day, to putting up a painting in the house that you wanted to hang.<\/p>\n
This doesn\u2019t mean you are spoiled, it simply means that you feel loved and appreciated when your partner gives you a gift that shows they were thinking of you.<\/p>\n
This is when you want to spend uninterrupted quality time with your spouse. This means no distractions such as looking at your phones or watching TV. You feel most loved when you have your spouse\u2019s undivided attention.<\/p>\n
You connect with your partner and feel most loved when you are receiving physical attention from them. This could be in the form of hugging, kissing, caressing, holding hands or being sexually intimate.<\/p>\n
These are just a few ways that knowing what your spouse\u2019s love language is can help to strengthen your marriage:<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve ever asked for advice from a couple that have been happily married for many years on how they have got this far, the chances are that their answer is going to be all about communication.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s no secret that good communication is at the core off any successful relationship. You need to be able to communicate with each other to ask for what you need and to handle conflict resolution in a healthy way.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s normally easier said than done, however, as everyone has different expectations and communication styles that can muddy the waters somewhat. This can lead to miscommunication, lack of communication and avoidable conflict.<\/p>\n
Knowing each other\u2019s love language can be a huge asset in this instance. Your partner\u2019s love language will show you how to communicate with them. It gives you insight into what they want, need and appreciate and help you to communicate in the way that it will be most impactful for them.<\/p>\n
Empathy is when you are able to put yourself in someone else\u2019s shoes and truly understand what it is that they are going through and why they are feeling a certain way. Some people are intuitive empathizer, while many have to work on it within a relationship. It\u2019s not something that comes naturally to everyone.<\/p>\n
When you understand how your partner thinks, feels and responds to certain things, it\u2019s much easier to empathize with what they are going through and avoid potential conflict. In fact, empathy actually offers a means of connection in most instances.<\/p>\n
For example, you are on a night out with friends and you are not someone that likes to be on their phone while they are socializing. So, you don\u2019t contact your partner all evening and they are very upset when you return home at the end of the night.<\/p>\n
This could easily lead to escalated conflict, as you might think they are overreacting about the situation and that they don\u2019t trust you. However, if you know that their love language is words of affirmation, you would have taken the time to send a couple of messages or a quick phone call to let them know you were thinking of them and you missed them.<\/p>\n
It would also make you more understanding on your return home, where you could say something like, \u201cI understand why you are mad. I am so sorry that I didn\u2019t get in contact, honestly the evening just went so fast. I missed you. How can I make it up to you?\u201d This de-escalates the conflict through empathy.<\/p>\n
At the end of the day, most normal married couples will want to express affection to their loved one at moments throughout the day. The problem is that sometimes, how we express and receive affection is totally individual.<\/p>\n
For example, your love language is quality time, so you organize to have time with your partner without the kids and with no distractions to talk and relax. However, your partner\u2019s love language is physical touch. They might not be getting the same kind of joy out of the experience that you are if you aren\u2019t giving them any physical affection. Rather, you could incorporate both of your love languages by dancing together first and being physically affectionate before you sit down to a nice dinner together.<\/p>\n
Knowing what your partner\u2019s love language is goes a long way in helping you to show the affection you want to give, in the way in which it is going to get the best response.<\/p>\n
We aren\u2019t mind reader, unfortunately. If we were, there would be a lot less conflict in our relationships. It\u2019s difficult to know what your spouse is thinking, especially if they are not great communicators, but knowing your spouse\u2019s love language can help you to communicate and connect on a deeper level than before.<\/p>\n
Knowing what your loved one\u2019s love language is will make you more receptive to their motivations about how they show you that they love you. If you know that your partner\u2019s love language is acts of service, then you can keep in mind that when they do the dishes or something to make your day easier, they are actually showing you that they are thinking about you.<\/p>\n
Yes, this might not be your love language, but it does help to give you perspective on the fact that they are giving you something that they think is really thoughtful. Sometimes, our partner\u2019s might miss the mark on what we would prefer, but it\u2019s important that you keep in mind that this is their way of showing that they love you too.<\/p>\n
The 5 Love Languages are just a small section within the incredible Spark Marriage Program<\/a>. During the three months that I work with you and your partner, we will cover an array of essential aspects that can get the connection back into your marriage. You will learn the formula for a happy, healthy and successful marriage and I will give you the tools that you need to implement this into your marriage going forward.<\/p>\n