Leaving a partner is never easy. Breaking up with a narcissistic partner is particularly complex, however. Narcissists are egotistical and selfish, and almost everything that they do has an agenda, so it\u2019s only natural to be nervous about leaving a spouse that has narcissistic tendencies.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019ve decided that it\u2019s time to leave your spouse, despite the love that you might still have for them, it\u2019s important to be prepared for the reactions that you are likely to experience. Narcissists are not the type of people to take a breakup lying down, and nine times out of ten, they are going to go out of their way to put some sort of a roadblock in the way of you living a happy, healthy life without them.<\/p>\n
So, in order to prepare you for leaving a narcissist<\/a>, here are some of the most common behaviors that you should expect.<\/p>\n It\u2019s incredibly rare for a narcissistic person to admit any fault of their own in any facet of their lives. They want to portray themselves as being perfect. So, when things don\u2019t work out in your relationship, be prepared for the blame to be put on your doorstep.<\/p>\n Blaming you for the breakdown of the relationship has a couple of layers to it. Firstly, they get to make you feel awful by saying that you\u2019ve wrecked your relationship, you\u2019ve destroyed the trust, or that you\u2019ve lost the only person that will ever love you. According to them, you have single-handedly ruined your life.<\/p>\n While they use blame to make you feel awful, it also begins to eat away at your confidence, and you begin to question your decision. By being shocking, hurtful and insulting, a narcissist will hope to push you to a point where you truly believe that you are the one in the wrong, and you\u2019ll end up changing your mind and staying.<\/p>\n If there\u2019s one thing you can be sure about, it\u2019s that a narcissist is going to use some form of manipulation to try to get you into staying with them. This could come in a bunch of different forms. First, they might attempt to love bomb you, using all their charisma possible. They know this is what you fell for at the start of the relationship, so they\u2019ll use this to try to remind you of how good things can be.<\/p>\n If this doesn\u2019t work, expect them to move on to persuasion, intimidation, and outright provocation. They want to get control back and they will mask gaslighting and insults with seemingly positive remarks, for example, \u201cYou know I love you deeply. I don\u2019t know why you are always so negative. You\u2019re overreacting and you\u2019re too emotional\u201d.<\/p>\n It\u2019s also likely to disintegrate into comments such as \u201cYou\u2019re too fat to find someone else. I\u2019m the only one that could love you when you look like that\u201d, etc. After years of emotional manipulation like this working on you, they believe that it will force you to stay with them.<\/p>\n Guilt is one of the most powerful tools that a narcissist has up their sleeves and they\u2019ll keep this trump card until they need it the most. Chances are that you are already feeling a little guilty about ending the relationship, even when you know that it\u2019s the best choice for you. A narcissist will know this and use it to their advantage.<\/p>\n Be prepared for a narcissist to show some vulnerability at this stage. They\u2019ll tell you how alone they are going to be, how they will never find someone to love them, and they will make you feel like you are abandoning them.<\/p>\n They are hoping that you will try to prove how unselfish you are and that you aren\u2019t a bad person by staying with them.<\/p>\n Being the center of attention is the be-all and end-all of a narcissist\u2019s games. They want to have all of your attention, even after you\u2019ve broken up, and they will be very persistent about getting it. They simply don\u2019t take rejection well and if you haven\u2019t, or can\u2019t cut off contact with them, then you should expect late-night drunken phone calls, texts, and emails.<\/p>\n They would certainly go as far as \u201caccidentally\u201d breaking into your home to retrieve their possessions. They might suddenly start shopping at your local supermarket, changing their running route to include your street and other attention-seeking behaviors.<\/p>\n Of course, this can be particularly nasty if there are kids involved, as your ex will be able to use them as a way to get your attention constantly.<\/p>\n If all of their previous behaviors haven\u2019t had the desired effect, then they will appeal to the caretaker in you. At the end of the day, we all want to believe in second chances and redemption, and a narcissist knows this.<\/p>\n They will acknowledge that they haven\u2019t been behaving right, but they are going to go for therapy. They admit that everything you\u2019ve been saying makes sense and they promise that they are going to change and make everything right. They genuinely seem sincere in their efforts.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, this is all smoke and mirrors and once you are under their control again, they will revert to their true behaviors. How often you are willing to listen to their promises and get taken back in by their lies is completely up to you.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/strong>There\u2019s nothing a narcissist loves more than to make themselves look like the good guy and you to look like the villain. You can be sure that your ex is going to take your breakup onto social media in some form or another. They will also try to force people to choose sides, whether that\u2019s friends, neighbors, family, or community members. They will only give their version of the story.<\/p>\n They do this to further isolate you from others and they know that this will be incredibly distressful for you.<\/p>\n Once a narcissist has realized that you aren\u2019t coming back through any of the above tactics, they\u2019ll simply move on. This is an excellent way to make you jealous and an attempt to show you what you are missing out on.<\/p>\n Narcissists need to have someone to feed into their ego and give them attention, so once they have stopped getting this from you, they will move on to someone who they can manipulate and control. They could do this while still contacting you to tell you how much they love you and that they are only moving on to stop thinking about you. This could persuade you to come back to them.<\/p>\n It\u2019s important not to spend too much time thinking about your ex and how quickly they\u2019ve moved on and looking through social media for their new partner. At the end of the day, their relationship is going to encounter the same problems, and this is the time for you to move onto the happy and healthy future that you deserve.<\/p>\n Whether you\u2019re in a relationship with a narcissist and you are looking to leave, or you have already left a narcissist, it\u2019s important that you get the help you need from a professional.<\/p>\n At Naked Recovery, we deal with a huge variety of traumas from all walks of life, and we have created specific programs to deal with individual traumas. The Narcissist Abuse Recovery Program<\/a> is a structured and supported four-month program to support healing and recovery from those who have suffered trauma through a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality traits.<\/p>\n\n
They\u2019ll place the blame squarely on you<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Manipulate you into staying<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Guilt you into staying<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Demand your attention, even after you\u2019ve left<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Promise they will change<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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Go on a smear campaign<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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They will move on quickly<\/strong><\/h2>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
The Narcissist Abuse Recovery Program<\/strong><\/h2>\n