{"id":19112,"date":"2024-07-04T05:34:21","date_gmt":"2024-07-04T09:34:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/nakedrecovery.com\/?p=19112"},"modified":"2024-07-22T05:39:40","modified_gmt":"2024-07-22T09:39:40","slug":"is-a-difference-in-communication-styles-ruining-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nakedrecovery.com\/blog\/is-a-difference-in-communication-styles-ruining-your-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Is a Difference in Communication Styles Ruining Your Relationship?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over the years, I’ve witnessed countless relationships transform based on the communication styles of those involved. Human relationships are an intricate dance and communication is the rhythm that ensure we stay in sync.<\/p>\n

The two most prominent communication styles are inferential and literal communication. Things can become complicated when two partners have different communication styles, as in the case of couple Gary and Stephen.<\/p>\n

Gary and Stephen came to me relatively early in their relationship. Despite the love that they had for each other, they found that there was constant miscommunication, frustration, and conflict and they couldn\u2019t get to the root cause of it.<\/p>\n

In our Spark Marriage program, one of the first things we test for is communication style and we quickly established the problem: Gary is an inferential communicator and Stephen is a literal communicator.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s take a look at what these two communication styles are and how they had an impact on this specific couple.<\/p>\n

Inferential vs. Literal Communicators<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Inferential Communicators rely on subtlety and indirectness. They expect their listeners to read between the lines and pick up on unspoken cues. This style often involves implications, suggestions, and a significant degree of contextual understanding. Inferential communicators may assume their message is clear because they rely heavily on shared knowledge and experience. They expect listeners to deduce the intended message without explicitly giving it to them.<\/p>\n

Literal Communicators, on the other hand, are direct and explicit. They say exactly what they mean and expect others to take their words at face value. There is little room for ambiguity, as they prioritize clarity and precision in their speech. There\u2019s no hidden meanings and they do not rely on non-verbal cues.<\/p>\n

Impact of Communication Styles on Relationships: Gary and Stephen<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Gary and Stephen\u2019s relationship offers an excellent example of how two opposing communication styles can create friction and misunderstanding in two people who are unaware of them.<\/p>\n

Gary: The Inferential Communicator<\/strong><\/h2>\n

When the couple started work in the Marriage Spark program, it was immediately obvious that Gary is an inferential communicator. He speaks with a level of subtlety and expects Stephen to pick up on the underlying meanings and context. He thinks that Stephen should be able to pick up on his subtle cues and nuanced statements because of their loving relationship.<\/p>\n

Gary explained to me that when he wanted something from Stephen he would imply rather than explicitly ask, so for instance, if he wanted Stephen to contribute more to the rent, he\u2019d say something like, \u201cWow, rent is taking up a lot of my salary this month.\u201d To Gary, this is a clear invitation for Stephen to contribute more to the rent.<\/p>\n

Stephen: The Literal Communicator<\/strong><\/h2>\n

For Stephen, this does not mean anything. It is not a request for action and because he values direct communication, he thinks that Gary is merely making an observation. So, he doesn\u2019t offer to pay more towards the rent.<\/p>\n

This type of mismatch in communication styles led to several issues in their relationship:<\/p>\n