How to have a Trauma Free Xmas…

Posted on December 20th, 2018
The Haven Divorce Retreat - Adele Theron

Hey, there. I wanted to make a video just before Christmas time…



So, we got quite a few questions and comments from people from our website that ask things like how do we prevent all the drama around Christmas…

or people commenting that they find Christmas really stressful and challenging.

And it is that way for a lot of people, because a lot of expectations arise around Christmas. It’s supposed to be magical, it’s supposed to be beautiful and awesome, and people find quite a lot of stress and pressure around that, needing to kind of fulfil all these expectations that they have.

I want to talk about some things that you can do to minimise all that kind of stress and challenge

So I want to talk about some things that you can do to minimise all that kind of stress and challenge, and to have a more drama free Christmas.

One concept that I talk about with my clients is the concept of managing the trees that we climb. What I actually mean by that is managing how much drama that we have within our lives.

So, first things first is going into Christmas, you need to take a look at what are all the filters, perceptions, beliefs, ideals, and expectations that you have about how Christmas is supposed to be.

How it should be, how people should be, what does this whole kind of space shuttle launch that you’re preparing for is supposed to look like, because all those things actually set you up for stress, because there’s that expectation, there’s that feeling now that all these things are supposed to happen, and these people should behave a particular way, or they will behave that way because that’s the way I always expect them to behave. 


Trauma Free Xmas - Adele Theron
Are you planning for a Drama and trauma free Xmas day?


All that kind of pressure and stress actually becomes a metaphorical tree in our lives, and if we get really invested in finding evidence for those things in our lives, we can wind up climbing right to the top of that tree, so far up that talking us down from that kind of very, very fixed position that we have, it’s like a nightmare, right?

I mean, sometimes I’ll get on a call with somebody, I’ll be like, “Wow. What tree have you just climbed? How did you get up there? Hello, can you hear me? Can you come down, like one branch at a time so we can actually get you back into neutrality and back into balance?”

Wow. What tree have you just climbed?

So first things first, identify what are these filters and perceptions that you have of Christmas and all that kind of stuff going with it.

Those thoughts that you have well, oh, Uncle Fred is going to tell the worst jokes, and Mary’s just going to irritate me, because she’s going to ask me why am I still single, and you’ve got some other person that always gives uncomfortable hugs, or whatever it is that you think and believe will definitely happen.

The thing to get about that is whatever you believe is definitely going to happen, you will end up projecting that onto the situation.

You will climb this metaphorical tree where you find evidence for those things to happen, and we are so invested in being right about what we believe you don’t actually give anybody a chance, and we don’t actually just let people just be who they are and be laid back about it.

So in validating those beliefs and finding evidence for those beliefs, we can actually create a drama out of that situation out of nothing. 


Trauma Free Xmas - Adele Theron
Are you planning for a Drama and trauma free Xmas day?


The reality is that the same situation can be perceived completely differently from two different perspectives, or three, or four, five different perspectives, so at a single dinner table, you can have Uncle Fred telling his jokes. You can have you sitting in one corner going, “Oh, here we go again. They’re going to be the worst jokes ever.”

Perceptions of the same event can be polar-opposite

And you got somebody else sitting on the other side of the table going, “Oh, there was a bit of a lull in the dinner. Isn’t it great that he’s livened it up with some jokes? Gosh, that was really funny.” And it’s exactly the same. It’s still Fred telling jokes, so no one’s right. It’s different perspectives, and ultimately you’re in charge of what perspective, and perception, and belief, and expectation that you bring onto Christmas, and onto life in general.

So some tips to be aware of, is first things first, identify what are these kind of preconceived notions, and ideas, and beliefs that you have about Christmas where you are so kind of project managing things to achieve those particular results or outcome in Christmas. 

Second thing is to kind of manage yourself and be aware of where of where you are actually investing in finding evidence for those things to be true.

What are the metaphorical Christmas trees you are climbing?

What are the trees, the Christmas trees, the big metaphorical trees that you are climbing that you’re right about where you get so invested in it that you’re so far up into the atmosphere at the top tree that you’re not actually present, and just in the now, and just enjoying what is?

Manage yourself in being aware of those reactions, and if you find yourself that you’ve climbed a tall tree, just notice it, and just go, “Okay, I’ve climbed a tall tree called this day isn’t going very well, and these people are really irritating, and I just want to get out of here.” Maybe just slow that down.

Everybody’s just being who they are. This is good. I can handle this. I’m going to have a good Christmas.

Just manage yourself climbing down from that tree, calmly and peacefully. Have a bit of a giggle about it, and return yourself back to neutrality where you just remember that people are just doing what they’re doing, and I’m the one that’s adding all the drama, and the chaos, and climbing trees over these stupid situations. So, managing those reactions are critical to enjoyment of it.

So, managing those reactions are critical to enjoyment of it

And the last tip is whatever you focus on will expand. So if you believe that Christmas is stressful and challenging, you are going to create that. If you believe that Christmas is magical and awesome, and you’re going to have a really fun, chill day, then that’s what you will create, because human beings are incredibly good at finding evidence for whatever it is that their theories are. 

Whatever you focus on will expand

So manage those different things across Christmas, and I really wish you a very merry Christmas, and let this year be a drama free Christmas for you and your family. Til next year, thanks.

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