Every marriage goes through stages; ups and downs are a natural part of any relationship. However, you could be getting concerned if yours has been down for a while now. Whether you’re dealing with huge amounts of stress, a new child, financial constraints, or infidelity, many different factors could put marriage on a downward spiral.
If you’re wondering, “Can I save my marriage?” I’ve got good news for you! If you’re willing to work on your marriage, then chances are that it can be saved. At Naked Marriage, we specialize in marriage rescue and one of our main programs, the Spark Marriage Programme, will teach you how to get your marriage back on track.
These are just some of the steps that you can take to save a marriage that’s on the rocks:
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Choose to Save Your Marriage
The very first thing that you need to do in order to save your marriage is to make the conscious decision to do so. Too many people think that their marriage will simply improve on its own over time. In some cases, this could be true, but in the majority of marriages, you have to put in the work to get it back on the right track.
It’s essential that you take the time to work out whether your marriage is worth saving and if it’s something that you really want. If it is, then it’s time to go all in and do everything that you can to save the relationship. Half-hearted efforts simply won’t work in this instance. Sacrifices and compromises will have to be made along the way and you need to be ready to handle everything that it takes.
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Make the First Move
There’s nothing worse than playing the wait game with your spouse when it comes to saving your marriage. If you adopt a “You did something wrong, so you must fix it!” attitude, then it’s your marriage is simply never going to improve.
Like most things in life, if you want something, you have to take the initiative to go out and get it. If you believe that your marriage is worth saving, then you need to bite the bullet and speak to your spouse. You need to respectfully tell them the concerns that you have and ask them about a plan to move your marriage forward and then commit to it together.
The saying “Good things come to those that wait” does not apply to saving your marriage and once you make the first move, it will be easier to get your partner on board the marriage rescue train.
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Take a Look at Your Role in the Breakdown of the Marriage
No matter what it is that’s going on in the marriage (or not going on for that matter), chances are that you had something to do with it. It’s important to acknowledge the role that you have played in the breakdown of your marriage and take ownership of that. I’m not saying that you should take all of the blame for what’s going on, but looking at how your behaviour has influenced the current state of your marriage is one of the best ways to improve and move forward.
It’s easier to ask your partner to work on certain aspects when you are willing to accept and work on your own ‘problematic’ behaviours.
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Listen More
It’s only natural to want your feelings and perspective to be heard and understood first and foremost, but it’s essential that you spend more time trying to understand where your spouse is coming from too.
It’s tempting to think of a rebuttal, comeback or defense for what our partner is saying, while they are saying it. However, it’s much more constructive to actually take the time to listen to what your spouse is saying to truly understand what they are feeling. This will help your communication. Once your spouse has finished talking and you understand what they are saying, you can then respond in the most appropriate, compassionate way.
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Communicate What You Want and Need Respectfully
It’s important that both of you are willing to take about what you want and need going forward in the marriage, but it’s also essential that you do so in a calm and respectful manner.
Check your tone before talking to your spouse about something. Are you going into this conversation with a whiney or aggressive tone? Are you going to talk negatively? Is there a condescending side to what you’re about to say? If any of these are true, then it’s best to take a breath and reformulate what you’re going to say and how you are going to say it. You’re more likely to get a defensive reaction that descends into conflict if you go in negatively.
So instead of saying something like, “You never do the dishes and I have to do everything around here because you’re lazy!” Rather say something along the lines of, “I’d really appreciate your help around the house, especially when it comes to the dishes. I work really long hours and it would make a big difference to my day.”
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Be Patient
Rome wasn’t built in a day and your marriage can’t be saved in one either. If the issues in your marriage are serious enough to make you consider ending it, then they aren’t going to go away overnight. You are your spouse have to commit to working on your marriage and you have to be aware of the fact that it’s going to take time.
It takes time to fix poor communication and damaging habits and even if you are both giving it your all, there’s no quick fix. This is a process that is going to take time and you should strap yourself in and get ready for doing the long-haul work.
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Consult a Professional
Don’t let the fact that this is the last step in the list fool you. Consulting a professional is the best thing you can do if your marriage isn’t in a great place. Whether that’s going to therapy or choosing a program like our Spark Programme – professionals will be able to give you sound advice and their participation is impartial. It’s amazing having a good support group of friends and family to rely on, but many of their views will be skewed by emotion and they will always give you advice that comes with this perspective.
How the Spark Programme Can Save Your Marriage
The Naked Marriage Spark Programme is one of a kind. It’s an intensive three-month course that will show you exactly what makes a relationship successful and I will give you the tools to apply these strategies to your marriage.
The program gives you everything that you need in order to get your marriage back on track and to reignite its flame. This means that you don’t have to go it alone. You don’t need to worry about how to save your marriage and what you need to do to get there.
With the Spark Programme, you are given everything you need, and more, to ensure that you are your spouse can move on to a brighter future, together.
Get in touch if you have any questions about the Spark Programme or any of our other services.
