Infidelity is traumatic. There’s no other way to put it. It causes intensely painful emotions and memories for the person on the receiving end of the infidelity that can last long after they have found out about it.
In fact, they could experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including intrusive thoughts, insomnia, flashbacks, nightmares, heightened anxiety, and more. This condition is sometimes referred to as PISD (post-infidelity stress disorder).
Ultimately, the severity of these symptoms will depend on the individual circumstances around the infidelity and how the person internalizes and copes with this breach of trust.
Today, we will look at PISD, its symptoms and how you can heal from the trauma created by infidelity.
What is PISD?
So, what exactly is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD)? While it’s not a confirmed medical diagnosis, PISD can be defined as the reactions similar to those of PTSD that a person experiences post-discovery of an affair.
When diagnosing PTSD, individuals must have one of the required criteria, such as being exposed to death, the threat of death, threatened serious injury or actual/threatened sexual trauma. Infidelity might not threaten one’s physical life, but it certainly is a threat and sustained attack on the emotional well-being of the person being cheated on. This undoubtedly threatens their sense of security and safety.
The shock and hurt of the infidelity can lead to symptoms that are incredibly similar to those experienced by PTSD sufferers. These symptoms are damaging to the self, others, and any reconciliation of the relationship, if wanted.
Symptoms of Infidelity PTSD
There are several symptoms that are indicative of a person suffering from infidelity PTSD. These are the most common signs.
Hyperarousal
When infidelity occurs in a relationship, one partner’s sense of safety and security is threatened, and their home environment seems insecure. Reactions to this threat can vary, but hyperarousal is one of the most common trauma responses.
This means that the betrayed partner remains super alert and super sensitive to their surroundings. They are constantly in fight or flight mode, ready to react to any perceived threat that comes their way. Hyperarousal can show up in physical and emotional ways, such as being startled by small things, changes in eating patterns, trouble concentrating, overreacting, outbursts of anger, irritability, etc.
Individuals that were once completely trusting and secure become incredibly suspicious – watching out for the smallest signs of anything out of the ordinary, they can become nagging and paranoid. This is also a form of self-protection. These are completely normal reactions to highly stressful and traumatic experiences, but if they are left too long without addressing them, they will undoubtedly cause negative consequences.
Intrusion
Flashbacks, nightmares, and obsessions are all signs of intrusion in someone suffering from PISD. Often, these come in the form of images (real or imagined) that are associated with the infidelity. Normal things that you might not have considered before the affair suddenly become triggers, such as a particular song, the smell of perfume, or driving somewhere familiar and all of a sudden intrusive thoughts, memories, and flashbacks flood the system. This can cause the individual to feel overwhelmed, sweaty, angry, emotional, and even a little obsessive. Sometimes, they lead to the betrayed partner going over the smallest details, developing fixations and trying to reconstruct events to figure out ‘the truth’. It can feel impossible to get away from intrusive thoughts, feelings, and memories.
Constriction
Constriction is exactly what it sounds like. It’s when someone feels suffocated to the extent that they fold in on themselves, not physically, obviously. Signs of constriction include inhibiting feelings, thoughts, and activities associated with the betrayal. This often results in the person feeling numb, disconnected, and detached from others, even close loved ones. They often stop showing interest in activities that they once enjoyed. They avoid and withdraw to avoid confronting the excessive emotions and intrusive symptoms that are common after betrayal.
This may be a temporary state that they use as a sense of relief and a form of self-preservation. It’s a protection against dealing with something that is too emotionally painful.
Healing From Infidelity PTSD
Of course, there is no one way to heal from infidelity PTSD and it largely depends on individuals, but there are a few things you can do if you feel like you are suffering from PISD.
- Normalize your experience: One of the most essential things to keep in mind is that many of your feelings and thoughts are a normal response to trauma. Hypervigilance, obsessive thinking, anger, sadness, and more are all part of the process that many people go through and you’re likely to keep feeling these throughout your healing journey.
- Get a journal: It might sound cliché, but writing things down in a journal is hugely helpful in these situations. They enable you to record everything you are thinking and feeling; it’s uncensored and helps you go back over and gain new insight and clarification.
- Schedule times to worry: This might sound strange, but by setting aside an allotted time to use to worry, obsess and revisit hurtful feelings, you are taking the power away from them intruding on the rest of your day. This time should not be longer than an hour and you’ll find that it will decrease over time as you heal.
- Identify and prepare for triggers: Your flashbacks are normally triggered by particular things. It’s helpful to identify these triggers and try to preplan for them. If you are prepared for a trigger, you’re less likely to have a trauma response to it.
- Changing the channel: This is one of those easier-said-than-done scenarios but try taking greater control over your mind. When you have intrusive thoughts/images, try imagining your mind as a tv that can be controlled by a remote. Simply press the button to change to something more desirable.
- Learn self-soothing techniques: Instead of fighting against flashbacks and intrusive feelings, equip yourself with tools that allow you to ride the wave, experience it and come out the other side. This could be deep breathing techniques, exercise, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, etc.
- Take it one day at a time: Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it certainly isn’t a linear journey. Don’t get discouraged by the amount of time that it is taking to heal. Take each day and moment as it comes, strive for small steps, and don’t fret over setbacks.
- Get the right support: The worst thing you can do for yourself at this stage is to try and go it alone. Don’t isolate and make sure you reach out to your friends and family. However, it’s equally as important that you seek out professional support to ensure that you are on the right path to healing.
The Infidelity Recovery Program
At Naked Recovery, we specialize in helping people recover from all kinds of trauma. The Infidelity Recovery Programhas been specifically created to help people heal from infidelity, whether that’s healing alongside their partner or once they have moved on from that relationship. The program was designed to support you and equip you with the tools to fully heal from the betrayal in a matter of months.
Contact us to find out more about the program.
