Intimacy after having a baby can be a particularly sensitive subject. Many women experience intimacy issues after giving birth, so you’re not alone if this is how you feel. While acknowledging these troubles can be difficult or embarrassing, talking to your partner about them is critical. After all, the best relationships are built on a solid foundation of open communication.
It’s also important to remember that it’s not just birth mothers who struggle with intimacy after the arrival of a new baby. Partners can also have intimacy issues, whether they are male, female, or non-binary. Fatigue, mood swings, and a loss of self-confidence can affect both people in the relationship, not to mention having to look after a new baby too.
However, it’s important for your relationship to make a concerted effort to rekindle things. While you should go at your own pace, don’t leave it too long, as intimacy plays an essential part in a successful partnership and is an important connection factor between the two of you.
Of course, intimacy isn’t just about sex but also your physical, mental, and emotional bonds with your partner. Ultimately, however, it’s sexual intimacy that takes the biggest knock after the arrival of a new baby.
Here’s how to deal with postpartum intimacy and some steps to take to rekindle your sex life after a baby.
Regaining body confidence
Everyone knows that a woman’s body goes through extreme changes during and after pregnancy. Pregnant women are bound to put on some weight while carrying their baby and then have to deal with all sorts of new body ‘issues’ once the baby has been born. All of this can cause their self-esteem to drop and result in them not feeling confident enough for intimacy.
It’s important to remember that self-confidence is all about how you feel about yourself. One of the first things you should do to restore your confidence is to stop comparing yourself to others, whether they’ve had children or not. Everyone is an individual, and their body will respond to having a baby differently.
Secondly, don’t place unrealistic expectations on yourself that your body will bounce back overnight. You have just created a whole human inside of you, and it will take time to feel like yourself again. You don’t need to wake up looking perfect, go straight back into a job, or anything similar. Take the time to heal and regain your confidence in your own time.
Remember that your partner is probably struggling, too
Although they didn’t birth the baby themselves, chances are that your partner is also having some struggles with intimacy. This isn’t just because they are exhausted from looking after a newborn either. Research shows that partners of pregnant women tend to put a significant amount of weight during the pregnancy, too. So, they may also have some confidence issues.
Communicate about intimacy
The best thing that you can do to rekindle your love life after having a baby is simply to talk honestly about it to your partner. You can explain why you feel like you aren’t ready for intimacy and what is affecting your confidence. This gives your partner the opportunity to understand how you are feeling and address some of the issues that you might be struggling with.
It’s also an opportunity for you to discuss when you think you’ll be ready to be intimate again or even that you are already ready. Some partners won’t initiate things after their partner gives birth because they believe that they don’t want to be intimate, and by talking openly, you both understand exactly where you stand.
Go on a baby-free date
It might sound terrifying, but you can go on a date without your baby. Obviously, this isn’t something you should do days after birth, but your baby will be fine in the capable hands of trusted friends and family or a childminder after a few months.
Time away from your child/children is so important to make space for each other as partners rather than as parents. Dinner and a movie or something equally as simple can make a huge difference, as just a few hours of uninterrupted time could be a saving grace for your relationship and intimacy going forward.
Stay in the foreplay space as long as necessary
Most women aren’t cleared for penetrative sex for six weeks after giving birth, and many still don’t feel like having sex after this mark. However, there’s nothing to say that a little foreplay is forbidden. There’s no need to rush straight into sex, and it can be fun to build up the anticipation during the foreplay stage. Intimacy takes many different forms, and foreplay can be a positive influence in getting your groove back.
Don’t be afraid to seek out the help of a professional
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to rekindle the desire in your relationship after a new baby has arrived. If you are struggling to feel an emotional, physical, mental, and sexual connection with your significant other, then it may be time to take the next step. Postpartum struggles can last years if they aren’t properly addressed, so it’s important to ask for help from a professional if you need it. At Naked Recovery, we have a program that has been specifically designed to help couples rekindle their marriage.
The Naked Marriage Spark Program is a comprehensive solution designed to help couples relearn their skills and equip them with the tools that they need to rebuild their relationship and rediscover intimacy.
Coaching is a wonderful way to reconnect with your partner and takes less time to see results than traditional couples’ therapy.
Contact us to find out how we can help you get the spark back in your marriage after having a child.
